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Byzantine Catholic convert, wife, mother to eight children.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Death Stinks

The third year anniversary of my mother's death is coming up on September 15th. She was only 57 years old and died during a surgery to try to remove some of the cancerous tumor that was consuming her body. It was too late, the Cancer had taken over and she was just too weak to survive.

Yes, I am thankful that she is no longer in bodily pain, and yes, I have a glorious hope that I will see her again in Heaven. That doesn't make death a good thing though. Death is an unnatural separation of body and soul that God never intended to be. It came into the world through sin. Jesus overcame sin and death by his sacrifice on the cross and by his resurrection. We have the hope of that same resurrection through him, but until then, we are still separated from the ones we love that have died. My heart aches, I miss my mom and the love and comfort that can only come from your mother. I am thankful I still have my husband, my children, and my dad, but I miss my mom. There are four new babies in the family that will not know her. The ones that did know her still cry and miss her. Every Mother's Day I walk through WalMart looking at cards and fight back tears. I have to take over the holiday planning because she is no longer here to do it. I feel pangs of envy when I see women my age with their moms. I will never be "over it". I Want My Mommy! I know she is in the arms of her loving Creator and alive "in Christ". I know she is praying for me and my family, and I have that connection to her because of Jesus. I believe,"O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?( 1 Cor. 15:55) and that this is not a permanent condition. But for now, I can't hug her, I can't chat with her on the phone, I can't have her over for afternoon tea with the kids. I grieve for that loss, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Death stinks. I will celebrate her life and the promise of life eternal, but I will also mourn for what I have lost. That is a part of life. That is what makes this Earth seem a little less inviting and Heaven a little bit sweeter. The older I get and the more I lose here, the clearer that will become to me. For now, I know that God is good. I know that God only allows this pain because it can bring about some greater good. I don't fully understand what that is yet, but I have faith.